Petty? Me? Noooo

I've been doing this boot camp for 13 weeks now (I'm on my third session of 6 weeks) and I really like it, I'm seeing muscle where chub used to be, and I feel strong. I can even do push ups the real way now, without my knees on the ground! I do burpees and squats like a mad woman and I feel more energetic, and inspired and stronger after each workout. I try to focus on form and not be competitive when I don't need to be, just going at my own pace and making the most of it for me. But Tuesday WAS a competition.

We were running suicide relays. Each suicide was a different exercise, the second being the side shuffle. I was paired up against this girl in a purple tank top. I was sick with a cold and not at 100% but I showed up because I'm awesome. So I start shuffling to the first cone, we're neck and neck, I'm focusing on my form and giving it all I've got, snot running down my throat, it was pretty rough. I'm coughing but I keep going.

Side shuffle, side shuffle, We get to the second cone and she's about three shuffles ahead. I'm a competitive person, but I'm also an honest person and this purple shirted shuffle shirker was front shuffling! Hardly even attempting to look like she was doing it right. Our fearless leader, Brittany, calls her out on it yet she refuses to change. We know that this is a competition with something on the line, and I see that I'm losing my leg (of the relay, not the one below my butt), but she's cheating. I keep focusing on my form and fairness, and she keeps front shuffling like a little bitch.

By the end of Tuesday's session, three different relay sets, she has blatantly spit in the face of boot camp itself and that front shuffling little skank cost my team and I a total of 15 burpees.

I guess the plus side is that I'll look way better than her cheating butt in a bathing suit by the end and isn't that what really matters?

Balls

A Note on Temperature

It’s six o’clock on a Friday night. A ridiculously attractive female sits at gate E9 in the Philadelphia International Airport Terminal waiting for her Southwest flight. She could already be home, but being the kind and giving person she is, she gave up her seat on that flight for someone whom she can only assume had multiple disabilities, was a veteran, elderly, and pregnant. But she doesn’t care;, she’s just that good of a person. (The voucher worth more than a free flight on future Southwest travel never entered her mind). She is richer than when she arrived at the airport, full of wine and fajitas, and happy as a clam and yet she scowls and crosses her frigid blue arms over her ample bosom.

Why? Because it’s so GD cold in this freaking airport!!!

Businesses across the land, heed my advice: Just because it’s 90 outside, doesn’t mean we want it to be 15 inside. That blast of cold air feels good for about 2 seconds and then we cool off, and then we freeze, and then our nipples cut the glass of the airplane windows, the plane loses all function, and we all die! Do you want that on your conscience? DO YOU?! I can assure you that air that is even 10 degrees colder will feel good when we walk into your building. It’s summer and most of us aren’t equipped with warmer clothes to throw on above our skimpy shorts that accentuate our increasingly chiseled legs (thank you, boot camp!). Turn it down a notch. I feel like I’m in Antarctica, sitting in a bath of icy hot in a wind tunnel, while eating a snow cone. Enough!  

On the plus side, I was feeling pretty flushed after that TSA molestation, so maybe you had my best interest at heart. So thanks, or something.

Balls

A Haiku about my experience:

Sitting in the cold

Nipples turning hard; cut glass
Care to warm them up?

Balls Deep #1

This the first installment of "Balls Deep"; my attempt at deep thoughts on life and the world around me.

Note: The picture is only mildly related to this post, so please don't roll your eyes in a "here she goes with a political agenda" way. It's just funny and I thought maybe you could use a laugh. You're welcome.


In the wake of a shooting tragedy, like the one in Aurora recently, people feel the need to blame something. They need someone to blame or some explanation for "why" bad things happen. I think the blame and finger pointing come more from the need to make sense of the darkness in the world, than the desire to vilify. However, it seems that are always two main "villains" taking the blame when something like this happens: guns, and the entertainment industry.

Guns were made to kill. Guns are used to hunt; guns are used in war, but they are also used for recreation. Skeet shooting anyone? I do acknowledge that there are many types of guns and we could sit here for days arguing about whether stronger legislation would actually keep all these guns out of the hands of people who use them for evil. But we won't. Besides, making something illegal keeps it away from those who would use it for evil, right? The fact is tat before there were guns, there were knives, swords, sharpened mammoth bones and, well, you can look up all the various gun predecessors. Humans are animals, animals fight and kill and our species just happens to have the intelligence and creativity to come up with some pretty amazing tools for this type of destruction. Oh, and opposable thumbs; those have come in handy.

Not only is violence innate in most every species, it can also be used for entertainment and has been throughout history. From Gladiators to Marilyn Manson, World of Warcraft, and that scene where Bambi's mother gets shot; we have created many different forms of entertainment which can be used to explore our violent tendencies. As our methods of entertainment expand, so do our viewing lenses for violence and, some argue, our desensitization to said violence. People love a scapegoat and the entertainment industry is a great one. There are many more expressions of violence now (and also sex, love, etc.)  but is it more "in our faces" than before?

I wish I knew the world that so many people seem to remember, before TV, video games, and gangsta rap (did I spell that right? I'm a little too white to even mention it). I wish I lived in this utopia of whistling while we worked and exchanging flowers along with opposing opinions. These pointing fingers vilifying the entertainment industry seem to be attached to people who grew up in awe-inspiringly peaceful times. But alas, video games were invented and senseless violence in the world began. (Pacman, you bastard!) People have been exposed to some truly horrific things in history and I don't think that we are more violent or prone to violence since the invention of mass media (although enlighten me if you have studies that prove me wrong). And if we are, is it the weapon choice and media making us more violent or are these merely reflections of what society has already become?

My point in all this rambling is that sometimes there is no villain other than the one behind the trigger. Sometimes life doesn't make sense, and sometimes there is no easy answer. In every one of us exists good and evil. It is our individual responsibility to focus inward and find the good in ourselves, and pass that on (sometimes that's scarier than violence, but I digress). Teach goodness and personal responsibility, by example, to your friends, children, and anyone you may come in contact with. Evil can't be contained and pushed out of the world; it can't be regulated or blamed away. Live love and pass it on every day. Start with yourself and the good will grow in those around you.


My heart goes out to my fellow human beings who have been touched by this, and all senseless violence. May your hearts not harden and you find strength and support in the love around you.


Balls

May I Have a Volunteer From the Audience?

By now you have seen my 30 by 30 post; if you haven't it's the only other post on this blog so stop being so damn lazy!

Read it? Good.

Now that we're on the same page you know I am going to need some help. Not just from a qualified mental health professional, but also from you. I'm going to need words of encouragement, and friends with balls to attempt some of these things with me. So here is a list of the activities I'd like friends to join in. Post a comment, Facebook me, or email me if you are interested in doing any of these with me and we can start to plan.

     Trapeze lesson                                 Stair climb in Sears Tower
     Sprint Tri                                         Polar Plunge

     Dance class                                     Canoe trip

     Cooking class                                  Improv class

     Spanish class                                   Pole dancing class

Also, I'll be walking, riding, swimming, crawling, skipping, doing the worm or otherwise moving my body 30 miles a week, so please feel free to schedule some time to go along with me.

Thanks for all your help!

Balls

30 Before 30

Is there a better way to start this blog than to take the next 45 weeks and actually prove whether or not I have the balls I claim?

In a completely unoriginal move, I've come up with a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. 30 things in the next 45 weeks. Some of them will take the entire time, some things will be one and done. I'll be asking for friends to help along the way and sometimes I may even make them join me!

Without further ado here is my list:

1. Weigh 160lbs (I'm currently at 175) (admitting my current weight should definitely have been on this list because that's terrifying. But a little over a year ago it was in the 200s so I'm proud of my loss so far!)
2. Achieve "Lifetime" with Weight Watchers
3. Write 30 letters: handwritten and snail mailed
4. Write at least one blog post a week
5. Go on one date a month (July is done, this starts in August)
6. Go shark diving in South Africa
7. Go zip lining
8. Take flying trapeze lesson
9. Complete a sprint tri in under 2 hrs
10. Take a dance class
11. {Walk/Run/Bike/Swim (any combination) 30 miles a week} This is being updated to be earn 30 activity points a week. With boot camp three days a week it's just too darn hard to fit in 30 miles in 4 days!
12. Pay off credit card
13. Learn conversational Spanish
14. Join Association of Fundraising Professionals
15. Take a grant writing class
16. Finish decorating my bedroom
17. Organize every inch of my apartment (Container Store here I come!)
18. Wear a bikini in public (a stomach showing one, no tankinis)
19. Start a tradition with my niece Emily
20. Make a savings/5 year plan (yep, I'm an adult now)
21. Take a cooking class
22. Take an improv acting class
23. Submit a short story for publication
24. Take a pole dancing class
25. Walk the stairs to the top of Sears Tower (I refuse to call it Willis)
26. Do a Polar Plunge
27. Ride one of the rides at the top of the Stratosphere in Vegas
28. Take a canoe trip
29. Cut off and donate hair to Locks of Love
30. Forgive. Admittedly this last one is vague, and will be ongoing in life, but there are things that hold me back. Things that I need to forgive in my heart right now, and my goal is to move past these and into the future without my current grudges. This way there will be plenty of room for new grudges and hatred as life goes on.

Wish me luck!

Balls