Thursday, June 4, 2015

Today started off really rocky and went up and down and sideways from there.

I could not sleep last night. Partly because the bunk beds at the church are super soft and not supportive (I’ve since acquired a stiffer Global Volunteers Mattress that I will be testing out tonight. I have high hopes). Partly because the silence is so deafening that the slightest noise is noticeable and we’re in an old building. And lastly because I feel, off and on, SUPER overwhelmed. It is a lot of work to set up this program and I am grateful that Drew is here, and he’s been here pretty much once a year since he was 10 for varied lengths of time, so he has been just taking me around, filling me with everything I need to know and introducing me to everyone I’ll need to speak with this summer to make this program successful.

So we met so many people today. Started off with a very laid back coffee with some local Heart Butte folks, Spud, Jimmy and a woman who’s name I can’t immediately recall,  who may be helping us out with the dinners for the team and just bringing the community out to help and support us. Global Volunteers has been coming out to Browning for 16 years now, but this is our first time extending the program to run in both Browning and Heart Butte. So we are really trying to engage the local community and the first couple teams probably will see a low turnout and slow trickle in to the work projects out here. But to hopefully avoid that, we met Cliff Eagle Speaker, who works out at the Heart Butte school, about getting some of the kids involved in activities during the days to keep them out of trouble and hopefully, if we can connect with some of the older Natives around, to teach them more about the culture, heritage, and language that is slowing dying off with the older generations.

After those meetings we headed in to Browning to load up the van with a bunch of stuff from the storage shed (including my awesome new mattress) and then tried to visit the major work sites there, to let people know we’re around and to prep them for having volunteers starting Monday. Then we attended a 3 hour Chamber of Commerce meeting, and then desperately needed a beer. So Drew drove us out to St. Mary’s Lodge and Resort where I had a nice local wheat beer and some bison chorizo nachos. By this point I was starting to feel really anxious about the upcoming night – hoping I can sleep- and just the load of work I have ahead of me. Luckily at St. Mary’s I had some cell service and was able to text my mom, and call Alex for a little relief. Then we headed back to the church and unloaded the van a bit and decided to call it a day.

Everything here is gorgeous. The mountains, the greenery, there are horses running along side the road with the mountains in the background at sunset… I mean COME ON! I truly hope I can post pictures sometime soon, but they couldn’t possibly do it justice. Despite the anxiety and the work ahead, I know I’ve made the right choice, and when I settle in, this summer is going to be truly amazing. If anyone wants to come join me this summer – I think I still have spots available on later teams. Globalvolunteers.org. Come see what all the fuss is about!

With Love,

Lindsey

OH! And PS, pretty sure (thanks to Sheri, Pastor Calvin’s wife) that the room I’ll be sleeping in once we set it up is haunted. Apparently when they opened up the church, after years of being boarded up, they found a shrine to an (in her words) “old white man with bushy eyebrows” who is “definitely dead”. We learned today that his name is Abe. I think Abe and I are going to be good friends. 

Wednesday, June 3

It’s the end of my first full day in Montana, although we have no internet here at the church yet – so I don’t know how many of these I’ll be able to type up before I can actually post these. So I hope you’ve scrolled down to read this if it’s been a while!

Today I met Pastor Calvin and his wife Sheri, who are our lodging hosts in Heart Butte, Montana. I feel a real sense of belonging with them in they have lived everywhere I have lived so far! Before Pastor Calvin came to this mission church and the Blackfeet reservation, he lived in Hobbs, New Mexico for four years. Before that, Elk Grove Village, Illinois. They have real Hatch Green Chile in their fridge at home, and a sense of humor so I’ll be just fine.

They took us to the church this afternoon and showed us around a bit. We got to hear about the 7 wolves, 1 Bear and her cub, and 1-2 cougars who have made their home near the church here. I immediately wished I had taken the time to get a firearm license before coming out here but I was assured (not that it is reassuring) that most of the surrounding community have guns and would alert us if they see the wildlife roaming about.

The church is pretty much what you’d expect from a church in a small community. It isn’t a Ritz Carlton, but it has running water, a kitchen, laundry, and even a fire pit where I hope to make s’mores every Friday with the teams.

Around Browning and the rest of the reservation there are many stray dogs – I hope to come home with no less than six of them (sorry Alex lol). But other than that the only thing that can be said about first impressions are 1. It’s so quiet. I may be as overwhelmed as a child just getting a cochlear implant when I get return to Chicago and the city life. 2. It is stunning. It’s greener than I expected and the mountains are close on the horizon, so still and looming, and still topped with snow. 3. It’s lonely. Drew is still here, but in the quiet and the dark, I’m very acutely aware that I am alone here, without my support systems and without a way to contact them as of yet. I am sure I will always be surrounded by new volunteers and Pastor Calvin and his wife and a ton of other people I am destined to meet, but right now I’m lonely. And that’s the worst kind of alone. But don’t worry, friends. It will get better. I’ll make it better.

Tomorrow we have a ton of meetings and more and more errands to run to get this place ready for our first team. I’m hoping we’ll set up the internet soon, as it will make my job a whole lot easier (with all the reports and things I need to do) and also just to have some way to stream music and movies to keep away the silence.

So again I say goodnight, and send your love into the universe, I’m sure to feel it every time I start to think I’m alone.

Lindsey 

Montana Bound

Good morning from Great Falls, Montana!

So far it's been a hectic trip filled with late flights and crashing at this Heritage Inn in Great Falls to get some errands taken care of before we take the 2 hour drive (one with which I will become intimately familiar having to do it every Saturday for the summer) to our lodging in Heart Butte.

After saying goodbye to Oreo yesterday (and after many may tears), Alex and I had a nice breakfast at Elly's pancake house where I tried not to cry repeatedly into my pancakes and skillet breakfast and then we headed to the airport.

Once at the airport I was greeted by the most incompetent customer service agent I've ever encountered. I was informed that my flight would be delayed 2 hours and I would miss my connection in Denver. There are only 3 flights (on tiny tiny death trap planes) to Great Falls every day from Denver, so I would have to be placed on standby for the 6:50pm flight. The agent couldn't tell me if I could get lodging, why my ORD-DEN flight was late, or where Montana was, which was evident when he suggested I go to Philadelphia, and then asked me what was around Montana. Eventually I turned his computer screen around, told him what to click, and was secured standby for the later flight. Fully frustrated, the rest of the trip went off seamlessly and took a total of 12 hours, most of which sitting in airports, to get here.

Drew picked me up at the airport and we both quickly grabbed our bags and headed up to our rooms at the Heritage Inn to get some sleep. Which brings me to now. It's 10am currently and I'm watching a show on gangs on Spike TV while waiting to go to breakfast. So I figured I'd throw together this quick and scatterbrained update!

Drew is here with me for the first week. He is the son of the founders of Global Volunteers and has led teams on the Blackfeet Reservation in previous years and spent time here with his mother as a child. I look forward to having his expertise in my first few days and with my first team in order to get settled in and getting going.

Today Drew and I will be going to get supplies for the summer camp we hope to run from our lodging at the Heart Butte Methodist church (Global Volunteers is a secular organization but the church was chosen for lodging purposes). We want to get lots of different game balls, and games and some other equipment to keep the kids and volunteers happy for the summer. We also have to go to the bank to get my debit card for program funds, and buy me some toiletries I didn't bother to pack since I knew we'd be shopping and I wanted the space for things like pictures of family to keep me grounded this summer.

In the next couple days I will probably be going dark. If you need me, text me, as service on the reservation is spotty from my understanding and the Internet is not yet set up in the church.

I look forward to posting further updates as I have them, and getting started with my new adventure! Send me positive thoughts, and mail when I can update you with my P.O.Box in Browning.

Love!

Lindsey

The Best Season

Although not it's true intention, Labor Day has become the unofficial "goodbye to summer" day, and the weather in Chicago today agrees.  Most people look back on summer overcome with the general mood of those Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercials. I, on the other hand, think back to days when my bra was like a Slip'N Slide or when my fingers swelled to the size of bratwurst, and gladly wave goodbye.

Don't get me wrong, I love sitting on the beach, for about 10 minutes, and having my sunglasses on when I didn't have time to do my eye makeup before work. But the humidity poofs my hair, you can't walk more than 5 minutes without needing another shower, and the nice "relaxing" beaches are filled with children who repeatedly shovel sand directly on to your lap despite multiple scoldings from both you and his mother (I'm talking about you you little Air and Water Show bastard)!

I happily bid it farewell to bathing suits riding up my ass for  curling up in my Chicago Bears hoodie with a good beer and watching my favorite shows return to television. I will blissfully trade in my weird tan lines in celebration of being only one shade of my natural whiteness and gladly enjoy an evening of a cool light breeze and a hot tea on the patio.

I can't wait for the leaves to turn every friendly shade of red, brown and gold and feel them crunch below my feet as I take my boots out of retirement for another season. I'm positively giddy at the chance to cheer (most likely in vain) for the Bears from some dive bar with friends all wrapped up in jerseys and scarves.

They say that Spring is the season of love but I would have to make the case for Fall, when the air is fresh and crisp and the holidays are just around the corner. There's no big festival. event, or vacation to drag you out into the world. Everything simply slows down, and you grab your favorite blanket, person, animal (or any combination of the three) and spend an evening in, just content to be still.

Let the hibernation begin!

Balls

Are You Kidding Me?

In response to numerous people (mostly parents) about Miley Cyrus' performance on the VMA's last night:

1. If you allow YOUR young children to watch MTV and then expect it to be Hannah Montana, you're an idiot. YOU are responsible for what you and your children watch, not the media. You were not watching Sprout at 6am on a Saturday. Take some personal responsibility and use your common sense.

2. Miley Cyrus hasn't been the sparkling little Disney princess Hannah Montana in years. People change, they make mistakes,they get photographed smoking pot or awkwardly attempt to twerk with Robin Thicke. It's called growing up. Give her a break.

3. I knew a lot of you when you were her age, which is 20 by the way, and trust me, you weren't all bathed in white robes and rosary beads while respecting authority and smiling nicely.

Now, did I enjoy her performance? No. I found it awkward, without merit or rhythm and don't ever need to see a foam finger again. However it is not the media's responsibility to censor things to YOUR standards for YOUR family.

"But you don't have kids, Balls, you don't understand". No, I don't have kids, but I do have at least half a brain. I guaran-damn-tee you that when I do have kids and they are under the age of...well, late puberty... they wouldn't be watching the VMA's or any other trash found on MTV under my roof.

Don't like it? Think it may not be suitable for your 5 year old? Don't freaking watch it and go find something that actually matters to complain about.

Oh, and I forgot about one more.

4. If you were watching the VMAs instead of Breaking Bad, you're automatically someone I can't associate with. That is all.

Happy Monday,
Balls

I Quit

It's what I do.

I'm passionate, and strong willed, and I have such great drive. Unfortunately those ideas and dreams are like fireworks rather than fires lit under my ass. They aren't even like the good fireworks on the 4th of July while "God Bless America" is playing. My fireworks are like sparklers lit while listening to the sounds of children crying "look at me!".

I like to say it's part of my charm or my childlike enthusiasm for life. But it's not. It's flighty and frustrating for everyone. Myself included. I make plans and then lose enthusiasm for them by the time they come around. I make promises to friends I don't keep. I forget to return calls or texts or follow up on that lunch date with a long lost someone.

I can't even commit to things I enjoy. Writing is one of those things, volunteering is one of those things, volleyball is another and possibly the only thing in the past year I stuck to for any length of time (until my shoulder crapped out on me).

I made the promise to myself almost a year ago to do a list of 30 things before I turned 30. I didn't even go back before starting this post to see how many I actually completed and I'm not going to fool myself into adding one more and making it a 31 things to do before I turn 31. I'm just going to let it be.

There is no major revelation coming at the end of this post. No big Ah Ha!  moment. Just a post to inspire myself, or guilt myself, into being a better person. A long rambling list of nothingness lighting a sparkler and hoping it becomes the fuse to some amazing fireworks.

Goodnight and wish me luck!

Balls

Bringing Sexy Back

Over the past few weeks I've been attempting to get my life in order. I'm back on Weight Watchers after gaining a ridiculous amount of my weight back during the holidays, I'm taking my grant writing certificate class, and I've taken some dance classes in an  attempt to get my sexy back. (I lost it a while ago and it hasn't been taking my calls).

First it was pole dancing which, if you read my previous post, you know did not go well. Then it was  a Zumba and a Latin Groove class. I grew up in New Mexico, salsa is in my blood and on my chips. How hard could it be? Well let's just say I wasn't exactly Elaine from Seinfeld, but I was no Channing Tatum either.

MMMMM....Channing Tatum....

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, so I've been taking classes, kicking asses and just generally rocking 2013 so far. Part of this was to join a volleyball team. I played in middle school and high school and gave it up in college because I wanted to focus on acting; which I then gave up to save the world by working for zero money at a nonprofit. Smart.

I've missed volleyball, and I'm good at it. Those of you who know me know I don't compliment myself, nor do I appreciate it when others do, so for me to say I'm good at volleyball is kind of big deal. It's the truth. It's been 12 years since I played it competitively and this is the first time I've joined an intermediate team rather than a recreational level team. I wish I had done it sooner because it feels damn good. It's good volleyball and it's challenging. It's not like it was then, because those spandex just don't fit like they used to, but it is making me feel great.

I have never felt sexier. I've been wasting my time dancing and losing weight and all these other things that are not me. Sure they are fun, and I'll continue to do them, but I forgot what an amazing feeling it is to block a strong hitter, or serve so hard that no one could return it. I had somehow blocked out how amazing it feels to walk home with a layer of skin missing off of my knees, and my arms bright red. I cannot accurately describe the feeling inside of my during a volleyball game. I feel powerful, in my element, and that is sexy.

I guess the whole point of this post (other than looking at Channing Tatum... go ahead, scroll up and take another gander...I'll wait...) is just to inspire others to find their sexy in something they are good at and find pleasure in. I plan to continue playing volleyball, and with any luck I may just get close to being as good as I once was but in the mean time I'm off to ice my knees, because I'm old.

Balls

Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas

When you're little, Christmas brings a month of perfect moments. The presents, the magic of Santa and all those elves and reindeer, the smiles on all the adults faces whose lives revolve completely around you for that one day; it's fantastic. You can hardly sleep the night before, as you hear every creak the house makes, and you're sure it's HIM. You rush into your parents room earlier than you'll ever want to get up for school, or any other day, and jump on their bed and scream until they wake up and take you to open the presents. There are more than you remember, and the stockings are full. The smell of cinnamon rolls fills the air (at least in my house) and you begin the day. It's perfect.

Then as you grow up the magic begins to fade away. Your parents become flawed liars as you discover that they're human. Even worse, you discover that you're human, and have somehow grown up.

Responsibilities set in and weigh all the magic right out of the season. Instead of wondering what Santa is bringing and whether or not you were a good little boy or girl, you worry about who is on "gift giving levels" of friendship, what to get your dad, and how you're going to afford all of this stuff that you had to fight thousands of other crazed shoppers for downtown. You worry about booking flights across country to visit your family and catching up on work before you take time off. If you're not careful, you may lose the magic all together.

But, at least for me, there is always that one moment, when my nose is flushed red and I'm bundled up walking downtown. It's right as I'm walking home from work, it's beginning to get dark, and all the lights on State Street have come on. There are hundreds of people shuffling through the streets surrounding me, trying to shop, get home, or just trying to get indoors. All of a sudden the flakes start to float down, and the world becomes silent. Everything is perfect.

I'm immediately transported back to the magic of being young, and full of life. I stick my tongue out and close my eyes and just smile as I walk. All those people shuffling by don't seem to notice, but I do, and it makes me feel special, and warm, and completely happy. Because in that moment, I'm 10 years old, standing in my front yard in New Mexico in my teal green snow pants with my little sister, and my parents, and the neighborhood kids, and we're freezing but throwing snow balls and anxiously awaiting hot chocolate and dry clothes. We'll file inside at dark and my dad will try to light a fire. It will end up filling the house with smoke, and we'll all laugh at him, because it's three against one and that's what we do.

It's a perfect moment. And it brings back the hope, and the magic, and the warmth of the season that we all remember and spend the rest of our lives chasing. It makes everything feel new and quiet, and the stress floats down through the gutters along with those perfect white flakes and I take a deep breath, thankful I'm alive, and for everything I have.

It's my hope this Christmas season (and Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa seasons too) that you find your perfect moment and be in it. Remember your inner child and let him or her enjoy the moment in a way you've forgotten. Wholly, uninhibitedly, and fearlessly.

With Love and Hope,
Balls

#24 Pole Work

My adventurous friend Jessica and I both shaved our legs, left them unlotioned, and put on our short shorts today for a day of awkwardness. It was hard, I was ungraceful and somewhat unsexy (I mean, you can't take away all the sexy in just one hour) and my legs are bruised and sore from squeezing/banging into the pole. It was so much fun!

First we took pictures on the pole:

 

 Jess tried to hold on for dear life.

 

I just tried to look as fun as possible, hiding my nerves and uncertainty.

 

We had a really fun instructor named Kristen and she clearly had ballet training because she kept using the word plie and looked entirely too graceful on her pole. We danced to Rihanna's "Diamonds" and I tried my best to keep up.

 

Without any dance training and even though I have rhythm in general, a choreographed dance routine is hard work. Even harder when you're trying to look sexy, hold a pole, and try not to get dizzy!

 

In the end, I learned one trick and a couple spins. The trick never really worked out for me. But for your viewing and judging pleasure, I present to you, my attempt at a spin:

 

 

I'm one more item checked off, a little sore, and ready for Africa! I'll talk to you all in December.

 

Happy Thanksgiving, Friends!

Balls



#25 in the 30 by 30

Cross this off my list!

Thanks to the support of my donors, and my friend Sharday (pictured - and I hope that's okay) I was able to climb 103 flights of stairs (that's over 2,000 stairs total) to the skydeck floor of the Sears (refuse to call it Willis) Tower.

I'm actually surprised that my legs feel fine today. A little tired but definitely not anything close to what I expected. The climb wasn't even really that hard on my legs, it was hard on my lungs. The air was so dry in the stairwell, and so hot, that my lungs were burning very early on. The heat and dry air also sapped all moisture from my body by floor 30 and I got a dehydration headache. This caused me to stop more often than I would have liked and definitely hurt my time. But I finished in a respectable 47:38.

Sharday and I then went to lunch where I ate entirely too much bread. It was great.

Thanks again to all your encouraging words, and donations to make this possible!

Balls